We’re all familiar with the term, “think positive”, also known as reframing. Cognitive restructuring is a newer term used primarily by mental health professionals, and therapists, but put simply, it means to change your experience by changing your thoughts.
Cognitive restructuring is just another more clinical term for a technique for countering negative moods and it’s basically the same as mindset, reframing and positive thinking. However, all of these are so much more than the mere words convey.
“Positive cognitive restructuring can transform and enrich your life.”
~LeAura Alderson, writer, editor, creator iCreateDaily.com ®
Table of Contents
- Audio Article – Cognitive Restructuring of the Learner’s Mind
- “I Know, But…”
- The Curse of Knowledge – AKA Hindsight Bias
- The Failing of Familiarity
- Cognitive Restructuring Refreshes and Regenerates
- How to Reframe
- Cognitive Restructuring
- You Are the Average of the Five People…
- Find Friends Who Will Help You Grow
- Reframing Trains Your Mind
- The Neurogenesis of Success
- Mindset is Everything
- Community Member Comments
- Yes, You Can Grow New Brain Cells
Audio Article – Cognitive Restructuring of the Learner’s Mind:
“Change the way you feel by changing the way you think.“
~Christine Pedesky, author, Mind Over Mood
“I Know, But…“
We’ve all grown up hearing about positive thinking at some point or another. Most of us tend to embrace the concept, until… the phrase is tossed our way over something we’re struggling with. Proffered advice, especially the unasked for kind, tends to elicit responses that sound something like this:
“Yeah, right. I know but…”
“My problem with that [solution offered], is…”
“I’ve tried everything, and nothing works.”
The Curse of Knowledge – AKA Hindsight Bias
The problem with many social memes and sayings we’ve heard all our lives is that we’ve heard them all our lives. We think we know it so well that we don’t even think of it. Hear the term, and you’re likely to say, “I know… I know.” Because, well you do… theoretically.
The “I know” mentality, is another angle of the “curse of knowledge” concept originally coined by Colin Farrell Camerer in an article in the 1989 issue of Journal of Political Economy.[1]https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Colin_Camerer[2]https://www.researchgate.net/publication/275436553_They_must_have_seen_it_all_along_Hindsight_bias_in_inter-personal_cognition_via_visual_priming[3]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_knowledge
We all know what “positive thinking” means in the same way we all know what regular exercise means for our bodies. As with fitness, knowing what to do and employing that knowing regularly are often two strangers that never meet in reality.
Beyond that, when we think we know, we stop inquiring, asking and discovering new and expanded aspects. Whether it’s our profession, our relationships or anything else, we are best served to maintain the fresh and open perspective of a beginner’s mind.
This is reminiscent of a quote attributed to multiple authors and variations:
“We are getting to know more and more about less and less.”|
NOTE: this quote and variations are attributed to multiple authors; origin traced to William Warde Fowler.
~William Warde Fowler, English historian, ornithologist, 1847-1921
The difference between knowing versus doing what you know to do, is the difference in the level of success you’ll achieve.
~LeAura Alderson, writer, editor, creator iCreateDaily.com®
The Failing of Familiarity
Like the road well traveled on your daily route… sometimes you don’t notice the scenery or even remember the name of the street because you know it so well. Or think you do. Subsequently, with familiarity, we can be lulled into thinking we know all about something, and in so doing, there’s much we can miss.
If you want more success in your life and business, it’s time to take another look at the restorative and transformative power of reframing.
Reframing cultivates the wonder of “The Learner’s Mind”.
~LeAura Alderson, writer, editor, creator iCreateDaily.com®
Cognitive Restructuring Refreshes and Regenerates
Whenever you’re struggling with something, how you phrase your questions and comments, and where you place the emphasis can make all the difference. If you’re perceiving as a victim of circumstance, that is a powerless position.
A student of life, is an empowered position.
Here are two sentences, that are examples of sentences that say the same thing, but depending on the emphasis can mean something entirely different. E.g.:
“How do you HANDLE this???”
“HOW do you handle this?”
Naturally, these can vary in interpretation, depending on the tonality with which these are read or thought. However, in general, based on the emphasis alone, the first question places emphasis on the issue that implies difficulty or overwhelm, I.e., “How can you even…HANDLE” kind of thing.
The second approach is more of a “how to” inquiry, summed up more as “Hmmm… HOW do you handle this” is more of an inquiry, where the emphasis is on the “how” as in a learning mode, rather than an emphasis on the word that transforms this sentence into a more victim statement.”
These are two VERY SUBTLE differences, yet they add up to perceptions that can influence our attitudes. Just as it’s the little things that make a positive difference, so too can the little things make a negative difference that’s not so little over time.
To perceive as a victim of circumstance, is a powerless position. A student of life, is an empowered position.
~LeAura Alderson, writer, editor, creator iCreateDaily.com®
How to Reframe
Imagine a day where you’ve shifted all of the disempowered language to empowered language.
From the helpless, overwhelmed victim thoughts to the confident, stoic, peaceful thoughts of a learner’s mind settled into being a lifelong student of life.
And then there’s the simple method of tweaking our sentences also known as reframing.
Positive Restructuring Examples
If you’re seriously struggling, seek help. If it’s a bad day, tough times or a temporary setback, you can reframe it. The phrase, “When life hands you lemons make lemonade”, is sage advice. Same thing for “glass half full or glass half empty”.
When Your Burden Seems Unbearable, Reframe it.
“Yes I can!”
“I’ve got this!”
“I can handle this!”
“I’m grateful for today.”
“I am strong and capable”
“I grow through the hard stuff.”
“An obstacle is an opportunity.”
You can find more on restructuring and reframing, in this article.
Cognitive Restructuring
The Reframe Game
Reframing—like most personal development… like the gym or weight loss—is easier said than done.
So make it a mental game… a puzzle to solve. Tune into your speech, what you say and how you say it. Then, when you catch yourself in negative words or speech, make a game out of changing it.
Here are some examples of reframing. You will be able to add your list to this. In fact, send us an email with your reframes. We’d love to see them!
REFRAMING EXAMPLES
Comment: It’s hot/cold today.
Reframe: So grateful for air conditioning/heating!
Comment: I didn’t sleep well last night.
Reframe: I’m grateful for the sleep I got.
Comment: I’m not satisfied with my painting.
Reframe: What can I add to this to make it better, (now or in future)?
Comment: After all my hard work, my book isn’t selling.
Reframe: How can I sell more books? Who can I talk to? What are other successful authors doing?
Comment: I was on tech support for hours.
Reframe: So grateful for the privilege of first world problems that have support systems available.
Comment: Ugh… I’ve got so much to do and laundry to fold.
Reframe: So grateful for the convenience of a washer and dryer, and for clean clothes to wear.
Reframe: So grateful for this era of abundant opportunities!
Reframing is Just a Habit… a Good One to Cultivate!
So is positivity. Positivity is just a habit but it’s a habit that makes all the difference to your life.
As you can see, cognitive reconstruction, is not a difficult concept at all and is a practice that can be applied to any area of life. You’ve heard the “glass half empty/half full”, concept. That phrase, like the term “think positive”, has been used so much, that like a longtime spouse or friend, we can tend to take it for granted.
We’ve all counseled a friend with such sayings and sage advice. Yet the moment our next obstacle, conflict or challenge occurs, most people are conditioned to slide down the slippery slope of negativity, as if this moment in time is different than all the others to which ageless wisdom applies.
Reframing is just a habit, and like any other habit, takes a little time and consistency. It begins there and picks up positive speed.
Refresh and reframe your thoughts and you will refresh and reframe your life.
“Positivity compounds with interest. Invest in it.“
~LeAura Alderson, writer, editor, creator iCreateDaily.com®
You Are the Average of the Five People…
Why are we covering relationships in an article on cognitive restructuring?
Because you are your associations. Environment is more powerful than will, and who and what we associate with makes a world of difference in our state of mind and being.
If your friends and relatives rail at your new positive endeavor, that’s normal. It’s typically because of how “change” in a loved one threatens their own habits and comfort zone which can cause them to face their own issues before they’re ready to. We’ve all been there.
Consider something you might be working on, such as needing to lose weight. Which, by the way, applies to about 80% of the US population today, while an average of 27%* are categorized as obese at more than 20% over their ideal weight. So it’s an easy example to use.
*SOURCE: StateOfObesity.org[4]https://www.stateofobesity.org/adult-obesity/
Temptations and Aspirations
Let’s say you’re meeting a friend for lunch at a favorite restaurant with your favorite “treat” meal or dessert, and you’re looking forward to that experience. But when you sit down and open the menu in anticipation, your friend informs you that she’s going to eat light because she’s dieting.
Ah man!! How can you now fully enjoy your treat meal under these circumstances? So you don’t. Whereas if you were enjoying a lunch with friends and associates who were overweight, and they ordered those fried potato skin appetizers and cheesecake dessert, chances are you would too.
Environment and Over Will
Now consider that same elevation versus temptation that can occur in virtually every area of life. From the thoughts we have, the fears we have to the exercise we do — or do not — engage, what we tune into and who we hang out with absolutely affects what we do and think and how we live.
“Environment is more powerful than willpower.”
~Paramahansa Yogananda, Indian yogi, teacher, founder-Self Realization Fellowship
‘Birds of a Feather Flock Together’ – a Truism
Most people don’t care to hang out with leaders and achievers, UNLESS, they are also that, or aspiring to be. Why? Because it’s more demanding, less comforting and comfortable. Even if such people never offer recommendations or advice, it’s just inherently uncomfortable to associate with achievers if you aren’t one.
But if you want to do better and be better at anything, you need to associate with those who are. If you don’t have any such people in your immediate vicinity, tuning into the content of those who are — through their books, articles, interviews, tutorials, etc. — will help tremendously.
The Struggle of Uneven Growth
MARRIAGE
Adolescents are known to be awkward, clumsy and volatile, not only because of hormones, but also because of uneven growth. The same thing can happen in relationships.
Many marriages struggle from this concept. One person is ready for a growth spurt, but the other isn’t, and subsequently resists, and sometimes even sabotages, the growth-ready spouse’s efforts. Same thing in friendships.
FRIENDSHIP
Your friends who aren’t ready to grow, may find it hard to fully and enthusiastically support you when you’re ready to, because they feel their own lack. Yet they’re typically there to commiserate and console if you falter.
It’s like the overweight friend encouraging you to enjoy that dessert as he orders his. While our friends do care, they’re also protecting themselves and their habits by encouraging us to join them.
They’re not likely consciously thinking that they don’t want whats best for you… after all, they are your friend! However, they are likely unconsciously protecting the rapport in your relationship and your ability to relate with each other. They’re also protecting their comfort in keeping their own status quo intact.
Change is uncomfortable by definition, because it moves from the security of the familiar and places us outside our comfort zone. But